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27 Nov 2005: Global Frequency

A picture

Royal Victoria Docks, November 5

Tired of receiving cappuchinos with a Foam:Coffee ratio of 1:1, I entered into negotiations with a staff member at the St. Paul's Starbucks that I will refer to as "Mr. Barista" (this is, of course, not his real name).

I asked Mr.Barista if I could have a cappuchino without foam. This helpful fellow responded with incredulity. A cappuchino is defined by its stratum of foam. To discard the foam would be to redefine it as a coffee experience. It would no longer be cappuchino, but the emasculated equivalent of said beast, although I would advise hesitation and some pause before asking your local Starbucks barista for an emasculated cappuchino.

Mr.Barista said that I could have a caffe latte instead, because that does not have any foam.

Maybe I should have explained to Mr.Barista that a caffe latte is certainly not a cappuchino without the accompanying foam afro. But by this point, I am Michael Douglas in Falling Down, simmering anger and terse sentences over a simple coffee.

Yeah, give me a latte.