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20 Apr 2006: Halfway to Somewhere

A picture

Stoke Newington, Clissold Park

Dear Mr. Barista,

Please accept this, my open apology to you, regarding the distressing affair involving the cappuccino, the latte and the foam topping. I feel that I have maligned you, good sir. It was I who had implied that a latte was not a cappuccino without the foam.

For the very first time in my life, I actually consulted the official beverage menu on the wall of your familiar establishment some weeks ago. To my complete and utter amazement, I was shocked to discover that the only difference between a cappuccino and a latte is the involvement of my nemesis, SeƱor Foam. Let me relate my findings which I am sure you will agree with.

As I have now come to understand, a latte is a shot of espresso, smothered in steamed milk, decorated with a thin membrane of foam. A cappuchino is a shot of espresso, the rest of the beverage being half steamed milk, half foam.

Half foam, would you believe that? I mean, what kind of fuckhead would want half of his coffee cup filled with bubbles of air, which prevents the coffee from cooling for 17 hours, trapping any sugar or sweetener in its dark embrace leading to smartingly sweet foam and grippingly bitter coffee, and still be able to call it a drink? Do these people exist? If they do, we should put them into camps for the good of the species.

Yours Sincerely,

J. Goodwin.